Arguing vs. defending myself have been topics that in my time have been hills I’m no longer willing to die on. I have a long relationship as caregiver with my mom and vice versa, and we have a unique relationship. Now that we are both older and hopefully wiser, I’ve learned to let go of grievances and let something like forgiveness into my heart.

Photo by Kris Arnold

1. Feeling attacked over my finances, my mother is very thrifty. I do spoil myself as a trauma response, but it is also my first house and I am feathering my nest so to speak. I do need to work on my savings, I admit! But my mother’s tone doesn’t help. It did help to confront her in the moment I felt the twinge of judgment in her voice when she did inquire. She did relent and seemed to understand.
2. Letting me sleep, another trauma response. I do tend to stay up late and keep that night time to myself because it is a quiet time that I can keep to myself. She’s more understanding of my need to sleep in and make my own hours as a freelancer.
3. Being thankful. My mother seems more thankful and grateful since she’s been on a special diet, I’ve been doing most of her meal prep. She seems to recognize the things I do for her, finally. I think realizing that her parathyroid may be a problem has made her more aware of the people in her life that help her.

I feel that there has been more recognition of my work and sacrifices lately. I feel appreciated. There has been less arguing because of this mutual recognition. I feel seen, if that sounds cheesy I know it.